We are in a series called Give It Up!  Rick Warren and his church have pointed us toward some truth and Hope and we want to pass it on to you.

It is time for me to evaluate all my relationships, offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I have done to others (except when to do so would harm them or others).

It’s on doing a little relational repair work.  And going back and trying to repair some of the damage that others have done to us and we have done to others.  This is based on Ephesians 4:31–32: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.”

Why forgive?  Because God has forgiven us.  We will never have to forgive another for more than God has forgiven us.  Resentment doesn’t work in life.  It is unhelpful and unhealthy.  Job 5:2: “To worry yourself to death with resentment would be a foolish, senseless thing to do.”    It doesn’t work.  You always hurt yourself more than the other person.  Ecclesiastes 6:9:  “It’s foolish to harbor a grudge.”   It’s irrational, a waste of energy.  Unreasonable.  

Forgive today because you are going to be in need of forgiveness in the future.  Mark 11:25: “When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins too.”   The Bible says we cannot receive what we are unwilling to give.  It’s dangerous to pray the Lord’s prayer.  “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.”

So, if we are to forgive, how do we go about it?

Be honest.  You can’t get over hurt until you admit it hurt.  I don’t know why, but we don’t want to admit the times that people we love have hurt us.  Because we have a misunderstanding that you can’t love somebody and be angry at them at the same time.  You can.  Admit it and put it down on paper.   You make a list of those who’ve harmed me, what they said, what they did, what they thought, and you put it down on paper and you get it in black and white so you can look at it.  It’s not this fuzzy thing that I resent, but it’s a specific.

Next, release the offender.

I stop holding on to the hurt.  How do I do that?  How do you release an offender?  Do it by forgiving them.  It’s the only way you can release them.  You don’t wait for them to ask for forgiveness.  You do it whether they ask for forgiveness or not, because you’re doing it for your sake not for theirs.

In releasing an offender it is not always possible, it is not even always advisable, for you to go back to somebody who’s hurt you.  Their circumstances may have changed.  Maybe your parents hurt you; they never even knew about it.  For you to go back to them forty years later and say, You did this.  It would just blow them away.  They never knew what they did.  Some people have changed.  Some people have remarried.  Some people have moved away and you don’t know where they are.  Some people have died.  What do you do in those kinds of situations?  Write a letter that you can never mail and you put in black and white, “This is how you hurt me.”  You write it down, you let it unload off you.   At the end you say, “But starting today I forgive you because God has forgiven me and because resentment doesn’t work and because I need forgiveness in the future.”  And you do it for your own sake.  You release them so you can experience freedom.  

Now, replace my hurt with God’s peace.

“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.”  How?  It’s unfair.  If I forgive them they get away scot free.  No they don’t.  Let God settle the score.  He can do a whole lot better job than you can.  You must release those who hurt you so God can do some repair in your heart.

That is for the hurt others have caused you.  Now let’s deal with the hurt you have caused.

Why?  Hebrews 12 says, “Watch out that no bitterness takes root among you, for as it springs up it causes deep trouble hurting many in their spiritual lives.”  He’s saying here, the reason you can’t get over that habit, that hang-up, let go of that hurt, is because you’re holding on to some unresolved relationships.  And those must be dealt with if you’re really going to get on with your recovery and become the person God wants you to be and enjoy the kind of happiness He meant for you to have in the first place.  

How do I make amends to the people who’ve hurt me? You do the same thing.

Make a list of those you have harmed and what you did.  Then think about how you would like someone to make amends to you.  Luke 6:31: “Do to others as you’d have them do to you.”  So you stop and think, “If someone were going to come and apologize to me how would I want it done?”  And you’d do it that way.  There are three issues you need to look at:

Is it the right time?  Is your attitude right?  Is it appropriate?  

Make restitution where possible.  Note:  The more serious your offense, the less likely you’re going to be able to make restitution.  There are some things you can’t restore that you’ve taken away from other people.  But don’t underestimate the power of a sincere apology.  What you do is you go to that person at the right time, with the right attitude and say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong, I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but is there any way I can make amends to you?”  And you leave it at that.

After you have made amends, refocus your life.  Refocus your life on doing God’s will starting today in my relationships.  That’s what recovery is all about.   Keep your heart right with others and then with God.  If you have not yet, make Him your boss.  Now, go face the world again.  Face the world today.  Don’t withdraw and hide.  Resume living.  You are not going to live as a victim anymore.  Start looking ahead.